5 incorrect reasons to return to the former

When the current couple is destroyed, it is difficult and painful for both. Like subsequent changes in lives. Sometimes these problems push us to resume relationships, which not so long ago seemed exhausted by themselves. Why not do it? Explanations Psychoanalyst Fabyen Kremer.

1.Threats

You left, but the partner does not agree with your decision, he is blackmailing you emotionally, and in the worst case threatens suicide. You are afraid that without you he will not cope with the situation. This pity is dangerous, be careful!

Fear that the other will collapse as a person, and guilt should not be the basis of a love relationship. Do not resume them from compassion. Moreover, this leads to the underestimation of the independence of another: perhaps you want to close your eyes to the fact that it is quite capable of living without you – and it is possible that even better than before. There is something overly selfish in considering yourself absolutely indispensable in someone’s life.

Such a return can also be painted with jealousy: here we are not talking about love, but about the instinct of possession. It is unpleasant to discover that the parting opens up new opportunities, and the one whom we considered super -chopping is completely coping with life tasks. To imagine that another cannot without us, also would also mean to deprive him of the opportunity to choose whether to be with us or not.

2.Habit

Sometimes relations are toxic: another lack empathy, we feel that we are constantly underestimated and treated badly with us. And yet we are returning. Why take the old wounds again and doom yourself to new suffering? Because at least this is a familiar territory. It was as if we are starting again the same musical play, of our own free will we return to the position of the victim, to which we are pushed by the painful part of the psyche, we will reproduce a well -known script and re -live what has already happened once.

It was like we cannot part with past suffering-it seems that we will lose something important, some part of ourselves. And yet you should decide on such a loss and break these relations. You can fall in love with a person who does not deserve it, this happens. But you should not enter into a relationship with him again – this is destructive, such a couple has no future.

3.Social pressure

Being together again means celebrating the New Year in warmth and comfort, without relatives who condemn or sympathize: “Poorly, how hard it is for you! Last year you gave him such a cute scarf, and he was pleased. “The temptation to avoid such situations can bring us into an previous relationship – besides,

this will not lose common acquaintances, not to meet unacceptable views:“ How she (or he) copes there?”..

But it’s not worth it. Of course, parting turns over all ways, holidays and birthdays. But this trouble can be experienced. It should be said to the whole environment that the parting took place, to share it, even if at first we think that we can do not change anything, nothing to lose. Someone else’s approval, an opinion about who we should be with, and even the opportunity to go on vacation again in the company of the married couple with which we traveled last time – this is not worth suffering in our own pair.

4.Children

That’s certainly a bad reason to return! What do children really need is to grow in a happy pair or with a happy person, but definitely not for parents to remain together for them and were unhappy at the same time. This is too hard for children. They need clear rules and love. This is really important, even if the divorce of adults becomes a source of great concern for them.

This is really difficult time, but it will be much harder for children to endure the burden of the victim made for their sake. What they will have to pay for her? Even having parted with each other, parents remain a father and mother for their children. Children are good if mom and dad know how to behave correctly during a divorce. But they absolutely do not have to be with both parents under one roof in order to feel good.

5.Comfort

Of course, at first, parting leads to costs – including cash. But explain the resumption of relations with economic difficulties? This is implausible and ambiguous. Without a partner, our living standing standard is so, but is it really possible to save a three -room apartment and a car is a path to personal well -being? Creativity will lead there much faster.

The problem is not so much in money as to sit down at the table during the conflict and calmly discuss everything that worries us. At heart, we know that the most difficult thing in parting is to say goodbye to the project of the future that could be with us with a partner. To calmly end the relationship, we can recall that the parting makes us poorer, but in new relations we will become richer in every sense.

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